Remembering the Firsts
by Aizaki
Summary: Rin and Kaito, at the beginning of seventh grade, they barely even know the other exists until they notice the instruments on the othe'rs back. Over time, they fall for each other- he's her first lover, her first date, her first "boyfriend" outside of the cute puppy-love romances she's had. And for a while...they're happy with that...


_~Remembering the Firsts~_

It began somewhere during her second year of middle school when they found out they had homeroom and orchestra together by the both of them dragging their instruments in through the front door.

"What do you play?" The question was simple enough, and she'd rather have that question than someone asking what type of trombone or flute she had.

Her blue eyes flickered up to the male and then over the covered instrument on his back. _Cello_...

"Violin." She replied, offering a small, polite smile as she walked past the blue-haired- odd, she always thought her school never allowed people to dye their hair...- male towards her homeroom, only to have him catch-up and walk next to her down the barren, student filled hallway.

"Really? What period?" He shoulders his instrument back up and picks up his pace so he's walking next to her, being careful to not ram his knees into her small violin's hard case.

"Fifth." She paused near her classroom door and switched her case to the other hand, fidgeting nervously. _Len would get on her if she wasn't in before the bell.._

"You're kidding."

"Uhm...no, why would you think I was kidding?" The blonde tilted her head to the side, her eyebrows furrowing at the line of questioning.

"Well, it just seemed unlikely that you and I would share a single class...let alone two.."

"Huh?" _Wow, way to sound smart there..._

_"_We're in two of the same classes," The bell rung, echoing down the emptying school halls, "So I guess I'll see ya later then for the rest of the year, ne?" With that he simply slipped past her and through the doorway to their homeroom, walking his way over to his desk as the small blonde filed in after him.

"You're late." Her brother whispered harshly as she slid into her seat behind him and began to drag out her pencils and notebooks.

"Sorry, I was talking to someone. I brought that sheet music you wanted to work on though...forgive me?"

He sighed, burrowing his face down in embarrassment as his smaller- yet slightly older- sister ruffled his hair and beamed, "Thank you, LenLen~ Love ya!"

"Yeah yeah, just sit down and don't do it again..."

XxXxXxX

"He sounds gay, Rin." The two were walking down the sidewalk, with the older girl walking halfway on the road in order to avoid being hit by the blonde's hard violin case.

"You haven't even met him." Was her indignant reply as she rolled her cerulean blue eyes and blew out her breath in frustration.

"Sorry...but I'm going to have to agree with Gumi on this one. He sounds a bit too good to be true." Both of the girls looked over their shoulders at the strawberry pink haired high-schooler following behind them, her "death" heels- deemed so because of their six inch heel- clicking on the concrete. "He plays the cello, he's at least an advance level student- if not part of the gifted program-, he writes, he doesn't smell, he seems genuinely nice, he likes you, AND he's straight? It's just not possible dear."

"Well..! You guys are just jealous cause I'm being flirted with and you're not. So HA!" The blonde skipped ahead of her friends, smiling in victory as she approached the steps to her home. Until...

"Need I remind you I'm actually dating someone?"

"And I kinda hate every man in existence so..."

"Well then I stand by my original point! You guys just haven't _met_ him yet." Irritatedly, she drew her keys from the front of her school bag and shoved her house key into the lock.

Faintly, she heard a sigh, followed by a few more clicks of the high-schooler's death heels. "Rin, don't be upset...we're just...trying to make sure you don't do anything stupid, alright?"

"Yeah, I know..." The blonde sighed as she pulled the key out of the lock and pushed on the door's handle, opening it and letting the cold air seep through the small crack. "Are you guys gonna come in or..?"

* * *

Throughout the year, despite the occasional protest of her friends, the two grew closer-

"Hey! Rin!" Slowly, she stopped in the hall, stepping to the side as other students shoved past her while she waited for her friend. When he finally caught up, she noticed a few sheets of paper in his hand- slightly crumpled from his weaving in and out of the traffic.

"Yeah?"

"I just- uh. You left this on your stand and, uhm, I figured it was something you might want so uh, here." She noticed faintly how he rubbed at the back of his neck- _he's lying about something..._ But when she took hold of the papers he'd thrusted to her, she realized it was just the pages of unwritten manuscript paper where she'd been working on a song with her brother. _But, then, why was he so nervous..?_

"Thanks..." Without another thought, she shoved the papers in between her various textbooks and folders before running to her class as the minute bell rang. "I'll talk to you later, alright?"

"Yeah..." He watched as she slowly disappeared down the hall, her knee-length khaki skirt puffing back behind her with each quick, jumpy step.

When she returned home that evening and dug through her various papers to drag out the music, the blonde noticed- on the very last page in short, choppy handwriting- a small note written on the staves.

_Rin,_

_I know we've only known each other for a year but I think you're an absolutely gorgeous girl and, this might be a bit crazy but-_

_I would love it if we could meet up after school sometime, my treat. :)_

_-K._

And below that was his number- or what she assumed to be his number, at least.

She'd call eventually, which would lead to her very first date- her first lover!

And that's when it all _officially_ started.

At first, it was rather cute how often he seemed to worry about her- calling or texting every hour or two and asking what she was doing or how she was feeling. But that was only the first week.

Oh, she had gotten in so much trouble with her parents when she'd stayed up all night talking to him, resulting in her all but failing a test she had the following morning. But he was so sweet and understanding.

He even came by to apologize personally to her parents! What middle school boy would do that?

Naturally, they were impressed. After that, he almost always walked home with her and often stayed until after dinner (Rin's mother wouldn't hear of him leaving beforehand, so it's not like he honestly had a choice) before returning to his own home- only after his girlfriend kissed him on the cheek, of course.

He was perfect- _they_ were perfect, they were happy...

And then the first month rolled around.

It started with phone calls and angry text:

_Why were you talking to that green-haired girl today? I thought it was just supposed to be you and me today._

or

_That top you wore today was awful...did you notice how many guys were staring at you? Why do you need their attention if you're happy with me?_

Of course, she apologized every single time, making sure to shove the tops he didn't like in the back corner of her closet and only speaking to Gumi and her other friends when she knew he wasn't watching.

The one time she did go off on him, he immediately cowered back. For a few days she ignored him even when he tried to get her attention by throwing notes at the back of her head or loudly complaining in orchestra how the cellos and violins sounded too upset and at war with each other.

Eventually, he caught her with her small group of friends that she'd barely managed to save from her month of practically ignoring them. He had hugged her tightly, a few tears wetting her shoulder as he begged her, "I'm so sorry...I really didn't mean any of that. I trust you, Rin, please, baby..._ I love you_. Give me another chance..."

She relented and, thinking that little burst of anger would be his last, refused to tell her parents about it.

Rin Kagamine was a tough girl, after all. He had never laid his hands on her, anyways...so what was the point of telling?

And for a while, he was okay- they were okay, they were decent...

He'd asked her out to go with him to the school dance and, when she'd told her mother, was almost immediately out buying a dress. It wasn't prom and it was only a middle school dance. But somewhere in that woman's mind was the idea that her daughter would be wearing the same dress only three years later.

So why not go on and pay a bit more?

That night he actually came and picked her up at her house- dressed up in a nice, white button down shirt and black dress pants.

"Your boyfriend's here!" Her brother called from downstairs just as she swiped another layer of peach colored lipgloss across her lower lip. Quickly, she then shoved the stick back into the tube and closed it before practically racing down the stairs, her hands going to hold down the aqua tulle skirt that rose just above her knees.

"Rin, dear, slow down. I don't want you twisting your ankle." With a roll of her eyes, the blonde slowed down just the slightest before she jumped over the last two stairs, landing on her small heels and balancing precariously. Ah, to be a rebellious preteen...

"Ready to go?" As soon as she nodded and offered a soft smile, he gently took her hand and they started towards the front door. "I'll have her back by eleven!" Kaito called over his shoulder, smiling brightly.

"You two kids have fun!"

That night he'd told her she was gorgeous and it was the first time that she'd actually felt like a princess- save for when she would dress up as Cinderella as a six year old and act like the Queen of the home.

She'd had her first dance with him- her first actual dance to slow, romantic music.

Oh she even pretended not being able to dance just so she could stand on his feet like the other girls in those romance movies did.

It was, in one word, perfect. Sweet. Innocent. Any of those could easily describe that night.

And then the summer- and their eighth month- rolled around

It was her first trip without her parents or her brother.

She'd raised the money for the trip on her own- working between school hours, homework, and required family time to take as many jobs as she could throughout the year.

The small, now eighth grade blonde had even managed to convince her two remaining friends (the other's had left her the moment they realized she was back with Kaito) to join her and the blue-haired "idiot"- as they "lovingly" called him- on their small, non-romantic trip to Washington, DC.

When they finally arrived at their hotel and had checked in after walking through Memorial Park, it was already around ten at night and the group of four almost immediately prepared themselves for bed.

"Alright guys! Here's the plan!" Rin announced, mumbling around the toothbrush she currently had in her mouth until she spat and rinsed her mouth in the bathroom sink and then continued, "Gumi, Luka, you guys can have the double beds in the back room, and then Kaito and I'll take the pull-out couch, okay?"

"Uhm, Rin? Do you really think that's such a good idea...I mean he's-"

"Got something you wanna say about me?" Kaito quipped, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, actually." The forest green haired girl began, blinking innocently, "Personally, I think you're a bit of an ass and am kinda worried that you're gonna try with _her._" Kaito rolled his eyes.

"Well I won't, alright. Despite what you think in your feminist little head, not all-"

"Okay okay...that's enough joking you two..." _Thank you Luka... _"That'll be fine, Rin. If you need us, we'll be in here."

"Alright, goodnight."

"'Night! And remember guys, breakfast is at 8!"

The blonde then pulled out her and Kaito's bed before settling in for a peaceful, dreamless sleep...

_Or at least that's what she thought she was doing..._

She woke up later that night when she felt his hands slide around her waist and drag her body closer to his. "Kaito..." she murmured tiredly, grabbing his burning hot hands with a sigh before attempting to move them off even as he dragged both of their bodies closer.

She froze. Blue eyes widened and she slowly glanced over her left shoulder at her boyfriend despite the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. As their eyes met and he quickly pushed his hips against her, she let out a small gasp. She'd _never_ seen him look at her and do anything like that- his eyes were slitted and the small amount of color she saw was an unnatural icy blue...but there's was something else there...

It was right then she should've ran and gotten away from him- Gumi and Luka were just in the other room after all.

Instead, Rin slowly turned towards him, sitting up slightly to brush her bed tangled hair from out of her face before brushing her hand over his slightly heated, somewhat sweaty face, "You're burning up..." she murmured, "Are you sick?" She questioned rhetorically as she began to pull her frizzy hair into a bun in order to get up.

After all, him not feeling well was easier to with than the fact that he had _that_. She grimaced at the thought of him having something so..._lewd._

Without replying, his large hands quickly grabbed the ponytail from her hair, "What have I told you about using these?" He growled lowly, his cold stare boring into her as he threw the offending item across the room.

"Sorry," she mumbled, "Bad habit." She shifted again, attempting to move off the bed yet again.

Faintly, she heard him sigh and, before she could even respond, his still hot hands were on her hips and he was dragging her onto his lap as he continued to lie on the cool sheets. "Babe, you know I think you look so much better with your hair down, right?" He murmurs, his voice softened as he edged down the edge of her thin pajama pants and thumbed over her now exposed hip bones. He smiled when she nodded and muttered her apology yet again before then leaning in to place a chaste, apologetic kiss on his right cheek.

When she pulled back, her cerulean eyes looking into his, he couldn't help but pull one of his hands up to thumb over her cheek as his eyebrows furrowed. All they'd shared thus far was simple, childish kisses and after the dream he'd just had... _That just wasn't cutting it anymore. _He paused a moment to thread his hand into her soft, lightly tangled blonde hair before pressing his closed lips against hers.

Surprised, the thirteen year-old blinked and slowly let the pressure of his chapped lips sink in. '_So this is what a kiss felt like...'_ When he pulled back, almost staring her down until she finally opened her eyes, she parted her lips and slid her tongue over her tingling lower lip.

It wasn't a moment after that she pressed their lips together again, her hands casually resting on the sheets to her side before moving up to rest in between her and Kaito's chests. After that, he was quick to advance, sidling his tongue in between her parted lips and traveling over her gums and around her mouth despite her own, small tongue trying to push him back.

"Mn..." Blonde brows furrowed as one hand pushed their faces closer together as he tilted his to one side- her's was, in turn, tilted to the opposite side- and his unoccupied hand ran up her back, running circles and random patterns across the pale skin.

For a few minutes, they simply made-out, their saliva mixing and tongues meeting as they attempted to explore each other's mouths though, to be quite honest, Rin was the one being explored while the blue-haired teenager continually forced his way into her mouth. Of course, he still wasn't satisfied.

As her hands sidled up into his mid-length blue locks, his fingers went up to clasp her bra and he slowly peeled away from her mouth to immediately pepper her neck with nips and kisses.

"H-hey..." she muttered, feeling her face flush red as Kaito pressed his lips against the base of her neck, just above her breasts before pausing...

Slowly, he slipped the straps from her shoulders and let the bra slide down her form before grabbing it and tossing it across the room like he had her ponytail holder. Then, languidly, he leaned forward and licked from in between the blonde's small B-cup breasts to arch of her neck, "Ah~" she moaned out, shivering as the cool liquid of his salvia and tongue fell against her skin.

Her breathing only heightened as he drew another trail up her torso in the same way and his hands pulled their hips closer together, attempting to slowly rid Rin of her light pants, his deep, rumbling chuckles falling on deaf ears and fading into the night air.

She shuddered against him again and brought her hands down from his hair to push against his chest, "S-stop." She stuttered, gasping as he only drew another trail up her body and began to lift her shirt. "Kai.." she warned, again pushing on his chest as she flushed red and he chuckled against her skin once more, slipping a hand down into her pants and beginning to edge his fingers against her panties.

"Mm...you're so wet.."

"I-I'm serious!" This time she jumps, shivering as he only growled and gripped her hips with his unoccupied hand and said,

"_Stay still."_

"Stop, please...!" She gasped out, shifting her hips and moaning- despite her mind screaming at her- as he pushed a finger against her panty covered entrance.

"Rin, babe, just let me..this once...don't you think I deserve it after all I've given you..?" He muttered in irritation, only continuing to stroke her slowly wetting entrance through the fabric and feeling the supposedly sweet liquid rub off on his skin.

"No. No no no!" She screeched, writhing and shoving her fist against his chest.

They both froze as they heard a few mumbles and coughs from the other room. Once things had quieted down, Kaito shoved his girlfriend off of him and stood from the bed, glaring at her. "I put up with all your bullshit and you won't even let me touch you? And then you have the _nerve_ to bring your goddamn friends into it?" His words stung and she was quick to flinch back as his tired hands swatted at her, one of his fist just barely managing to graze her cheekbone and jaw as she turned from him.

"_Goodnight_." He spats before storming off towards the bathroom and slamming the pocket door behind him.

Once she was sure he was gone, the blonde stood from the bed, hesitantly stepped towards the front door to grab her bra and slowly slid it back on her small, shaking form.

How could she even let him get that far? When did she lose all her morals? What ever happened to waiting until marriage for anything like this?

As she falls back asleep in the same bed she just got up from, she can't help but feel disgusted with herself.

She'd done so many things wrong...

Why couldn't she just be more thoughtful? He _had_ just recently taken her out on a rather pricey date earlier that week.

_Why...why..._

What would her parents think? And Len-

_Sick, useless, disgusting, whoreish, awful._

She wasn't happy- he was smiling, she was falling deeper into her despair, they _weren't_ alright...no matter what he tried to tell her.

* * *

When they went back to school, it was only a few weeks before he shoved her back into their little hole of misery.

She'd _finally_ started chatting with her friends again, smiling a bit more, shoving _that_ moment into the deep depths of her mind and trying to tell herself it really didn't happen.

She was hugging her brother after he'd announced he'd been bumped up to first chair viola when Kaito went after her:

"Rin, stop hugging people so much. It's not cute, it's not funny. It's annoying as _fuck_."

"Kaito-"

"If you don't stop acting like some damn damsel in distress then I'll have no choice but to make you stop. Understand?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?!" She flinched back as her supposed lover loomed over her and raised his hand.

"Y-yes, sir." Was her shaky reply.

When he was gone, her brother finally decided to pipe up, "The hell was that all about?"

"Oh, nothing." She replied immediately and, seeing the disbelieving face her was giving her, quickly added, "He just gets a bit jealous, that's all."

"What does he think I'm going to do? Get into your filthy bed in the middle of the night and try to get it on with you? That's disgusting!"

"Well obviously, incest is-"

"Oh I wasn't talking about that, I was talking about you."

"Right...sorry." The words spilled from her lips on instinct and she watched, tense, as her twin's brows furrowed in confusion.

"What're you apologizing for?" She shrugged.

_'Everything...'_

* * *

Somehow, he managed to ignore her until December 24th- Christmas Eve.

She remembered almost being asleep when her phone buzzed and the screen lit up a brilliant, bright blue. She almost smiled as she slid her phone and the message open but then faltered- remembering him reminding her sometime before the break that her smile was awful and she needed to work on it:

_I wanted to wait until after the holidays to do this..._

_But I'm breaking up with you._

_I just can't deal with all of the emotional stress you've put me through and I think it's in my best interest to do this._

_If you could please erase my number from your contacts, it'd be most appreciated._

_-Kaito Shion_

Her hands were shaking and slowly, her fingers moved over the buttons.

_Delete contact?:_

_Yes? No?_

What else could she do but follow his directions? It was the best she could do after...putting him through so much.

What happened to _her_ feelings? When would _she_ begin to actually matter to someone?

She was useless...pathetic...trash.

No one wanted a used doll...

And, in the end, she didn't deserve anyone...and they both knew that.

She felt like she needed to cry or at least beg for his forgiveness but- even as tears clouded her vision and her jaw ached for her to open her mouth and wail...

She couldn't.

_He would see her, he would hit her, he'd tell her she was weak..._

Rin Kagamine was _not_ going to be considered weak.

Instead, she placed her phone back on her bedside table and rolled over on her side, letting her hot, unneeded tears hit her pillowcase as she laid there in silence. She shouldn't be crying...she's the one that caused _him_ all the pain. She was just being a self-pitying bitch right now...and no one should have to deal with that.

* * *

"You want to what?!" If this had happened anytime before he came along- though it wouldn't have- she probably would've laughed at the expression on her mother's face. Instead, she stood there, stone-faced and pale, like a statue.

"I want to have it cut...about the same length as Len's."

"Rin, why? You have such beautiful hair. It looks fine the way it is..."

"It's too much," she lies, swallowing hard, "I just don't feel like dealing with it anymore." _I don't feel like dealing with anything anymore..._

Her mother purses her lips, scowling slightly before turning back to her stack of papers on the kitchen table. "You've been going through a lot lately, so let's just wait awhile and then when everything's calmed down, we'll see if you still want it cut."

"Yes ma'am." How else was she supposed to respond?

_Hmph, pathetic._

But she wanted something different- _needed_ something different.

That night when she was showering and washing her hair's water heavy tendrils, all she could think about are his fingers running through that same hair, breaking through knots and split ends as he jerked her head back whether he was meaning to or not. Despite the scalding hot water, she shivered, glancing over towards the sink and its cabinets.

There should be a pair in there, shouldn't there?

Slowly, she turned off the water after soaking her hair one last time, wrapped the towel around her body, and plodded over to the cabinets. Luckily, she found them on the first try.

She was actually a bit surprised that the blades were still sharp and, when she ran her red fingers over the cool surface, she couldn't help but think of another use for the sharp blades.

But of course...hair and blood didn't aesthetically mix. And you can only imagine the mess it would make.

_Worthless._

Hesitantly, she set the scissors on the sink's porcelain edge and pulled her hair into a low ponytail before again picking up the dual blades. Her fingers forced them open and around the width of her captured hair and she slowly squeezed, adding more and more pressure even as wet hair clumped on her back and fell down her shirt.

She didn't stop until she heard the blades scrape together and, due to her short length, her hair fell from the ponytail. At least she wouldn't have to worry about that part anymore.

After ruffling out her hair, she's quickly trimmed up any unusually long bits with the blades before cleaning them off and placing them back underneath the sink. The air on the back of her neck as she kneels down to pick up her dying locks felt a bit strange. But she'd take this air over _his_ touch any day. She'd rather take the grounding her mother gave her when she went back down to do her chores than to ever feel him again.

For a while...she was alright with that small change.

* * *

"No, Len, I really don't want to go."

"Oh come on, you haven't been anywhere besides school and home in the past three months." This was his fourth attempt to pull her from the secluded safety of her darkened room.

She knew he'd be there, just like he was there whenever she turned a corner or whenever she went to her locker...he was even there hiding directly outside the front door, smirking. She knew it.

"No, I have too much homework."

"Rin, we have the exact same classes. They didn't assign much today and, knowing you, you probably finished it in class. Plus, it's Friday. Come on." It bothers her how correct he is...

"No."

He sighed, exasperated before whispering to someone beside him- or at least, that's what she assumed he was doing, "She doesn't wanna come."

"Lemme talk to her." The two people outside of the locked door shuffled around on the flattened carpet before the other spoke, "If it makes you feel any better I'm bringing my taser and pepper spray..." she began.

"Gumi-!"

"Well I am! What're you gonna do, steal 'em from my purse? It's a free country!" She could almost picture her "friend" rolling her eyes, "Anyway, you also promised that we'd go to that new store at the mall. Remember? So today you're going to keep your promise!" Len scoffed.

"And if she doesn't?"

"Well then, unlike you, I'm not afraid to break down her door and steal her away to make her do it. So ha."

"You're ridiculous."

"Thanks, I try."

They truly had no idea...did they?

But that didn't matter. She didn't matter, they didn't matter. She was alone...

_Needy..._

Somewhere in her head she knew that wasn't right...but she was slowly getting use to it...she was slowly deeming it right.

* * *

"I can't do this...I really can't do this..." She sobbed, her back sliding down the glossed, perfectly clean oak cabinets and she clutched the knife to her chest. She shouldn't have been crying...she shouldn't have gone to school and heard him call her a slut and prostitute over the lunchroom's intercom.

_"How much for a dollar?"_

_"Wanna meet in the bathroom later, sweetheart?"_

It was simply too much.

Tears she wished she didn't have rolled down her cheeks, "I'm so stupid...this is stupid..." She felt her lower lip quiver and immediately she began to pinch at her arms.

_Don't you dare fucking cry you whore...you let him do this to you..how could you be so weak?!_

_Shut the hell up!_

Slowly, hesitantly, she raised the knife- steadying her breath.

She couldn't reach her heart...and going through the stomach often didn't work...nothing on the arms- all they do is bleed. Maybe she should take something before doing this...it's not like she'd live long enough for it to affect her.

"Rin?" She'd forgotten he was home...

She froze with the knife poised at her neck, close enough to feel the cold from the steel and make her hairs stand on end.

"W-what're you doing?" Her body jumped as her brother stepped towards her, the floorboards creaking under his weight.

"Go away." She growled, lowering her head so her new bangs covered her teary eyes.

_Damn it..._

"Put the knife down."

"I said to go. away." The older blonde swallowed as he continued to approach her cautiously, his hands reaching out towards her. "Don't." She flinched, only to press the knife closer against the skin of her neck.

_You're such trash...I bet you won't do it. You're such a pathetic excuse for a human, yet you think you deserve to live. What a bitchy move._

"J-just give it to me...and then I'll leave."

"Fuck off!" She snapped again, raising her head- blue eyes blazing with tears and rage- and moving the knife just a mere millimeter from her neck.

She couldn't even react as he quickly tackled her to the ground and ripped the carving knife from her grasp, throwing the object as far away as possible before wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"Let me go you asshole!" She screeched, writhing and swatting at him as best she could with her face almost being shoved into the floor.

"Ssh...ssh.." His voice echoed in her ear and she could hear how he was straining to not choke up.

She'd done it again.

All she'd been working for was thrown down the drain...she'd been trying so hard to keep them all happy.

Her shoulders shook.

Oh how she wanted to cry, she wanted to feel her heart ache and quicken from the sadness her mind is telling her to feel.

"I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry..." She choked out.

That's when she realized it- she wasn't happy...she wasn't alright...

* * *

She had made Len swear not to tell their parents- a promise he's still managing to keep- and slowly, she pushed the memory back like she had after it first happened- though occasionally, her subconscious would show her what it might've been like if he _had_ indeed gone further.

She eventually brushed them off as hormonal dreams.

They fit the description her mother gave to her, after all. And therefore, it was only natural for them to happen every once and a while.

They'd started their freshman year of high school by now and everything was decent.

Len- yes, girly, short Len Kagamine- had managed to get a girlfriend who got along with Rin quite well. The questions she asked later that year though, struck a pretty sour chord within the female blonde.

They were eating lunch out in the courtyard under the blossoming cherry trees that had been planted years ago when it first came up,

"So, Rin, why don't you have a boyfriend yet?"

The blonde's brows furrowed and she swallowed the food in her mouth before replying rather bitterly, "Why does it matter to you?"

"I...I was just asking..I mean, it's just. You're a pretty girl and I know of at least four guys who have flirted with you. They all seem pretty cute...and I was just wondering, ya know?"

"I don't have time for a boyfriend. Too much work- with makeup and clothes and such."

"Oh, but haven't they seen you when you haven't looked nice?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Len cringe. _She was getting too close... time to shut your trap and get out._

"I don't want a boyfriend. I don't need one to make me happy, and I'd rather keep my virginity, thank ya very much."

"Can we not talk about _that_..?" Her brother intoned, his face flushing as he awkwardly cleared his throat.

"Absolutely. I was just about to leave anyway." With stiff movements and a stoney face, she gathered the rest of her lunch, stood from the two, and dumped the trash into a nearby garbage can.

_You should throw yourself into it while you're at it._

She scoffed, _how much more fucking positive could you get?_

XxXxXxX

The two had finally gotten home and started on homework in Len's rather large, surprisingly neat room when the phone rang.

Rin was the first to start getting up until her brother swatted her in the head playfully, "Uh uh missy, you still haven't finished the math problem you've been staring at for ten minutes."

"Not my fault it's too confusing..."

"All it is is finding x!"

"Well still! F(x) should get over that relationship because x obviously doesn't wanna be found!"

He sighed, exasperated. "I'll be right back to help you in a minute, alright?"

So she continued to lay there, holding her mechanical pencil between her nose and upper lip in boredom as she continued staring at the problem.

_Might as well be rocket science.._

"Rin! Phone call!"

Her eyebrows furrowed as the pencil dropped into the binding of her math book and she stood, walking to the top of the stairs and yelling down, "Eh?"

"Phone call. Some guy wants to talk to you." He waved his hand dismissively and sat their home phone on the kitchen's half wall before starting back up to the stairs. "Come back up when you're finished so I can help you with that problem, alright?"

"Yeah yeah. Did he tell you his name?"

"Uh, no...sorry."

Sighing, the blonde jogged downstairs and picked up the phone, casually holding it to her ear, "'Ello, this is Rin."

"Heh...long time no speak, huh?" The voice from the phone sounded eerily similar.

"...May I ask who this is?" She leaned against the wall, running her finger along the edge and hoping she sounded more bored than she actually was. Showing no emotion was always easier.

"It's me, Rin...Kaito..? You know, you're boyfriend."

"Ex." She quickly quipped, straightening her posture. "_Ex boyfriend."_

"Well you see, that's why I was-"

"No."

"Look, I know that we've...had some issues but-"

"Absolutely fucking not." All she could hear the next few seconds was his heavy breathing into the phone.

_Exactly like that night._

"_It was always your fault_." And with that he hung up, the phone line clicking as he slammed his phone down onto the receiver.

That night, when she jolted awake sweating through her pajamas and sheets, she was thankful to have a insomniac friend who wouldn't complain about her calling at 1 am.

"Gumi..._he called..._"

It's not until sophomore year, when she was soaking in the bath and sliding her fingernails over her shaving razor after _again_ being scolded by her parents for not caring that she even bothers to remember how she turned into this emotionless _thing_.

It all started with a first kiss...

First the first time in five years, she cried- hot tears rolling down her flushed cheeks and her lips quivering as she wails, shoulders shaking and snot running down from her reddened nose. She let all the pain and suppressed emotions run out and off her body into the clear water.

_No one should have to remember a first like that..._

When she'd finally finished- she faintly heard her twin pounding at the door.

"Rin?! Is everything alright in there?!"

She smiled, _genuinely smiled_, and replied without hesitation, "Yes...everything is _great._"

_I'm finally over him..._

After getting out of her bath and dressed, she plopped herself on her bed, grabbed her laptop and began to type-

_It all began somewhere during her second year_

~Fin.~

A/N: *deep breath*

Well, you guys, I've had this on my chest for at least 6 years now and I just... I couldn't take it anymore.

Dating someone who makes you feel like shit because you won't have sex with them is...well, it's awful. It's even worse when they flaunt about how other people have had sex with them and they try to change who you are. This was so hard to write, but I'm glad I did it. You wanna know why?

It's because I know they are plenty of other people going through the exact same thing at this very moment and they're probably thinking exactly what I thought: They're awful, they can't do anything right, their lives are worthless. And if there's at least one person who reads this and can help themselves or someone else before it gets any worse...then I consider my goal accomplished.

For all those who have ever dealt or been around any form of domestic violence- whether it be emotional or physical- here's to us.

Also, I just wanted to personally thank my own dear Gumi for being the one to listen and be there for me through this entire experience...and then of course my Len, without you guys...well...I think we both know where I'd be right now- six feet under, still crying my eyes out over someone who really didn't deserve me :) You guys're great.

Thanks for reading and remember-

It doesn't matter if they say they love you or one of your friends, abuse is abuse. And _no one_ deserves to be put through that.

Also, just wanted to apologize to any KaitoxRin fans out there who were expecting something different from this fic as the only reason it's rated M is because of some very minor suggestiveness and hey- better safe than sorry.


End file.
